You’re Never Too Late or Too Old To Go After Your Dreams
Starting Uni Again at 29
Some of the things that block us from moving forward:
Age
Negative past experiences
No support network
Low self confidence
1. AGE
In less than a month’s time, I will be 29 years old. Two months after that, I will be going back to uni.
I went to uni at the age most do but after about a year, I dropped out. This was for a few reasons which I will briefly share later.
Writing has always been something that I’ve done. It’s rare for a day or two to go by without me writing anything. It’s how I understand myself. How I process my thoughts and feelings. It’s how I begin to heal.
Leeds Arts University (LAU) has always been a place that I’ve admired and looked to, even when I was attending my previous course. I didn’t want to move from my city of birth (Birmingham) at the time, so I chose to stay there to study.
4 times I ordered a new prospectus from LAU just to look at the photos. I even ripped out some of my favourites and displayed them on my wall.
Last week I went to their open day and saw all those photos in real life. Actually being in the rooms was a feeling I will never forget. It was almost like my “made it moment” except I know this is just the beginning of my journey.
For the past few years I have looked at the courses on their website and thought about applying. Last year I filled out an application to do Creative Writing and English Literature at Open University but because I knew I needed to self fund, I didn’t go through with it. It felt like a huge transition even though I’ve always been writing. I practically spend more time writing and reading than I do painting, but I had made my identity being an artist so it felt like I was starting over or letting those who love my art down by changing paths.
I couldn’t find the courage to go through with my application. I thought time has definitely passed for me now. Why should I get a degree when you hear of people struggling to get a job or having so much student debt? Mind you, I already have my first unfinished degree to pay for and now I want to add a second?!
2. NEGATIVE PAST EXPERIENCES
My first experience at uni wasn’t massively great. I had a rough time and it caused a bit of trauma that I had to work years to get through. This became a fear that would plague my mind whenever the idea of returning to study arose. What if I experience a similar predicament once again? Of course, one cannot hold themselves to the dealings of the past or project those ideas on to new experiences; that is just self destructive. It also blocks me from being able to do my best now.
3. NO SUPPORT NETWORK
When I first spoke about doing creative writing to some of those closest around me, I didn’t feel like I had their support. There were even fewer people that took the time to read a chapter of my first book draft (I See The Night Within The Day) and give me their feedback. That really showed me who I could share things with and who I would avoid when it came to asking for advice.
4. LOW SELF CONFIDENCE
This April, I quit my job of 4 years. I left sooner than I had wanted to, but it seems the timing was actually perfect.
I didn’t always have the best time at that job. There are some good people there that helped me get through each day; people I could share a smile and a joke with but overall, the environment and mindset was pretty moody. I had a lot of burn out, stress and anxiety and fought with depressive thoughts from time to time whilst there. This was mainly due to the fact I was working there full time as well as working on my art business, marketing and writing full time. I didn’t have the correct balance but I also felt so unfulfilled there. I needed colour, sunshine and less monotony. I felt so trapped and at a loss of direction for my life, but I also didn’t think I was capable of doing anything else.
When I left, I took a week’s break from everything. I went to Spain with my family and tried to reset my brain and get back in tune with my natural rhythm which I had lost all those years ago. I was having so much anxiety each day and found it hard to relax and sleep. Having so much free time really made me have to decide what was important enough for me to use that time for.
How to move forward:
Small steps. Small wins
Smaller support network
Do it scared. Confidence will follow
Start now, plan later
Go in faith
Persevere
Make the most out of it
1. SMALL STEPS. SMALL WINS
I attempted to paint a little here and there, but my heart just wasn’t in it. Eventually I decided to really start working on my second book (Open Up Before I Self Destruct: On Life) and get it finished as soon as possible. It had been a project I had been slowly working on over the past few months, but now I had the motivation to complete it.
Working on that book helped me realise how much I wanted to improve my writing skills so once again, I started to look at creative writing courses.
2. SMALLER SUPPORT NETWORK
When I mentioned this to my parents, they couldn’t understand why I hadn’t even applied yet as they had been seeing me writing consistently each day. I think them seeing me being so consistent in my writing helped them realise how much it meant to me. I know I want to work only in the creative industries so maybe getting a degree in it will help.
I told my mum that I would start to work on my UCAS form and set to work straight away. It felt exciting but I also had very low expectations. I didn’t even think my application would get read, that’s how little confidence I had in myself. I reached out to a previous manager and she kindly gave me a beautiful reference and so much support and encouragement. I truly needed it.
3. DO IT SCARED. CONFIDENCE WILL FOLLOW
My mum advised me which family members would be the best to proofread my personal statement to give advice. I was very hesitant at first as I didn’t want to share my journey with anyone else as I thought they would respond negatively. I was however, once again surprised at the encouragement I received.
I sent it off and was anxious every single day waiting for everything. I applied for student finance and prayed it would get accepted. I had a fear that I wouldn’t be able to find the course seeing as I had already received some financing for my previous studies.
4. START NOW, PLAN LATER
The next week I received an email from LAU to send in my writing portfolio. I didn’t have one so I made one immediately. I had no clue how to write one or what format people usually sent one in. Do they write word documents or make powerpoints or something? I decided to make a presentation PDF with interactive elements to my website, book and substack. I even included a little about my writing routine. I submitted this as well as all the other documents I needed to send off. The next day I received an unconditional offer!
5. GO IN FAITH
I didn’t know what to do with myself! I was so shocked and excited! I accepted my place even though I was sure I would have to defer a year in order to have time to raise the funds needed to pay for it. Just as I suspected, I eventually got an email after a long wait about how much money I would be able to get. I would get financing for the 2nd and 3rd year, but not the 1st. My motivation ran away.
My mum kept saying, if God has made it this far for you then you should expect everything will be fine and that you are going to be able to go this year.
After a lot of research, I decided that I would use my maintenance loan to pay for most of the course. I would need to find a part time job to pay for everything else; setting aside some money each month to contribute to the £3000 I would have to raise to pay for the final term.
6. PERSERVERE
The next hurdle quickly arose when I spoke to admissions that I wouldn’t be invited to enrol if I hadn’t paid for the first term a week prior. When I checked when the first loan payment would come through, the date just happened to be the same day that I would enrol! I quickly sent an email to the finance and admissions team and later they both agreed that it would be fine for me to pay on the same day.
All this brings me back to last week when I went to the Open Day. I got to meet 2 of my Tutors, see the facilities and find my bearings a little around Leeds. My dad also came to meet me an hour or so into my time there, so he got to meet everyone also and see where I would be studying which really meant a lot.
I couldn’t be more excited about this all! Yes, there are still going to be so many hurdles and struggles and things I’m gong to have to work really hard to get through, but I know it will all work out and that this is what I’m supposed to be doing.
7. MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT
I was worried that I might be a little too old, but why should I let that stop me from being able to do what it is I know I’m supposed to be doing? The best part is, I don’t have to give up doing art, music, fashion or any of my hobbies! Being in this particular creative university grants me access to ALL the facilities whether I’m on that particular course or not! So best believe I’m gong to be doing everything! I may as well, seeing as I’m paying to be at that Uni and they’re giving most of these lessons and resources at no extra cost. I’m going to make the most out of my experience. I encourage you to do the same.
I encourage you to block out what everyone else is saying. Block out all the negative comments and really think to yourself: what is it you would be happiest doing? What resonates with you the most? What can you see yourself doing every single day whether it gets you money or not? Then go after your dreams and make them a reality because they are not running away; they are waiting. It’s us that choose to run away from the path we so truly want to go down. You’re never too late or too old to go after your dreams.